Category Archives: Uncategorized

Who am I first? 

Hello guys,

I told you I’d be back soon. Working on my dissertation now, all 20000 + or – 10%, knowing myself, it’ll probably be -10%, lol. So today, I want to talk about something that has played in my mind for a very long time

Am I a woman or am I black first?

I’m a double minority, probably triple if you consider other things. But two things that one would describe me as is black and female. This has been something on my mind for a very long time. When you belong to two groups that are seen as ‘less than’, you begin to wonder why other members of the group don’t come together to work.

I am a woman. My genitalia says so, my brain tells me so as well. Being a woman in 2017 means you’re either seen as complicit if you are not a feminist or seen as ungrateful if you are one. There’s really no winning. Being a woman in 2017 means, though you’re working in your engineering field, or as the governor of a state, your fashion sense will still be looked on sometimes before your policies. Being a woman in 2017 means,  you can’t even happily say you want to be a stay at home mum for fear of being ridiculed. As a feminist, a proud one dare I say, I believe in equality of the sexes and in women willing and being able to make their own choices, the outcome of said choice is unknown to me and I really don’t care as long as we as women stop looking down on others for whatever decision they take in their own life. In the end, isn’t that what we are fighting for? 

And then, you flip the script and take a look at the other side of me, the black side. The perk of this is, in my home country, I’m just a good old regular female person and that’s it. However, I currently am not in said home country and I wonder sometimes, why can’t I still be the same good old regular female person? I mean, yes my skin is darker, my hair is ‘puffier’, but surely one should be able to see that’s really the only difference. Yes, there are black people who do messed up shit but there are also white and Asian folks who do that as well. Why should one person’s persona be extended to the rest of a race? What irks the most is when black people who have experienced prejudice, take it a step further and then exert the same sort of diminished reserve for women and queer folk of all races. One would think or assume, we would all come together and work for the greater good.

I’ve had a long think, for as I know and I think I’ve finally come to a conclusion, I am both, very much so but first, I am a woman because even when I am in my home country, that’s still a part of me that’s sadly looked down upon in some settings. 

What do you think? Do you consider your race or gender first?

Dear Daddy

Hello guys,

I know it seems like I was away again but I assure you I did have something last month. Last month I did a guest post here. You should check it out. I was also writing my final exams which I’m done with now 💃, so I couldn’t quite release two posts. Right now, I just have my dissertation left and I’ll officially be a masters graduate 🤓. 

So it’s father’s day tomorrow and I thought, what better way to celebrate than to tell the whole world what my daddy means to me.

You know the myth of the first daughter being really close to her father, well my relationship with mine defies that as its no myth. I have always been a daddy’s girl, one who always wanted first to make her daddy proud before anyone else. I always did my best and when I didn’t, the first person’s feelings I thought about was my dad’s.

He has always been there for me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve probably said this to all my friends but I’ll never forget when he came for my interhousesport event in primary school, he ran for the father’s race, fell and still managed to win. My father was one who motivated me to be way better and never give up. He always indulged my wants and needs, I remember always having ridiculously long lists of books for my school’s bookfair and he always made sure I got every single book on the list. 

My father who is an excellent cook is probably the sort of guy who doesn’t even know he’s a feminist.  He expects the same impeccable results from all his children. Sometime last year when he found out my brother couldn’t make stew,  his expression said it all. He’s one who expects all his children to excel and survive regardless of gender.

When I was younger, I was ‘scared’ of him as probably every Nigerian child is of their father but as I grew older, I found out we had so much in common,  we had almost the same beliefs and turned out we could have proper lengthy conversations that I genuinely cherish and love. Oh and if you ever wondered where I got my writing skills from or my love for sleep, look no further, I got them all from my dad.

My daddy is someone I know I can always rely on and I hope one day, I become someone he can rely on. 

So here’s to the world’s best father, from your daughter, Happy Father’s day daddy ❤
I will without a doubt post more regularly and perhaps more than one and month, and I think I’m finally ready to delve into Nigeria’s political scene so be sure to subscribe ✌

The Best Ships are Friendships

Hey guys, 

This post is dedicated to my friends, new ones, day ones, ones I don’t talk to, friends who are now family and the family who are now friends, lovers turned friends and friends turned lovers. If we were ever friends, please read 😊. 

We’re a third into the ‘new’ year! This year has been exciting so far.  I’ve gone through an entire whirlpool of emotions and it’s just been 4 months. Less than 5 months till I’m done with my masters 💃.
For a very long part of my life, I relied on my friends for almost everything,  advice, decision making, if I was ready to date, what classes I should take, the list goes on.I went through different phases in my life. 
To my friends who made me feel ‘among’ in primary school, made sure I was one of the ‘cool’ kids, the ones who defended me and possibly lied for me so I wouldn’t get into trouble, the ones I missed lessons with just cause we were having fun at a friend’s house, the ones who made sure my name was not on the list of noisemakers, the one who let me stay at hers for a whole school session cause my house was far, this list could go on but I’ll stop there.

In Secondary school, I was such a chicken, I honestly still am. I needed friends to help me be better, friends who helped me find myself, people who protected me from ‘evil’ seniors, people who didn’t mind helping me out even though it meant their mates might not like them as much, friends who always ‘kept space’ for me and made sure I was after them and sometimes ‘rotated’ even, the one friend that made me build a thicker skin cause of how much I cried, the friend I hated and eventually became bestfriends with, this list, once again could go on forever.

In university (both), I was let to be my truest self without any rules, of course I needed friends who saw me for who I was without any judgement, friends who I trusted enough to get wasted with and threw parties with, friends who accepted every version of me, dealt and didn’t mind my stupid mood swings, friends who let me stay in their houses when my stupid student accommodation made me move out during breaks, same friends who cooked for me cause I was (am) a lazy twat, friends who I went on trips with, the one friend I got tattoos with, friends who trusted me with their deepest secrets, the one who knows everything, this list would genuinely never stop if I carried on.

And of course, the friends I made from NYSC, the ones from BHC, the ones from work or the ones made by just existing in space, the ones who protected me from the people who would cheat me cause I was a ‘JJC’, the one who is family but is now one of my bestfriends, the one who helped me during the possibly worst part of my life, the friends who are basically my family now and many more.

We all need friends, no matter how ‘hard’ we think we are. We need someone to be there every once in a while, to listen to our banter when we’re tired of talking to ourselves and would rather someone other than ourselves give a response and of course someone to protect us, not only physically but emotionally as well. 

To all my friends, especially those that fall in any of the catergories above, you have no idea how grateful I am that you were there at those points in my life,  no matter how estranged we might be, I will alway be there to help and be that friend to the fullest of my abilities.

Oh by the way, I’m 23 on the 24th 👩-> 👵

I know how corny the title is 🙈

I have a March post, it’s here.

The Rules of Society 

Men are required not to be emotional and to be the leaders by all means and that is probably why research has shown though women are more likely to get depressed, more men commit suicide ( 3.5 to 1). The men don’t want to seem weak by talking about their problems thus wallowing in it till the worst happens. Women are required by ‘society’ to not drink excessively, to dress ‘modestly’ and not to walk alone amongst others but research shows, 7.5 of every 10 women that has been raped, has been raped by someone they actually know as opposed to some stranger lurking in an alley. Society tries it’s best to lead people aright but in the end, it sometimes gives limitations on what can happen or should happen.

The situation below shows an example of how society sees things that are maybe not conventional.


‘Julie met Tom just after submitting her final project at university. They hit it off almost immediately. Tom was going to be entering his final year the next semester and Julie had just gotten her dream job in the same city so there was nothing holding them back from the relationship. Time went on and they got married. While Julie was working at her dream job and getting pay rises pretty regularly, Tom felt he had a shitty job and the pay didn’t exactly help how he felt about the job.

Julie got pregnant and subsequently had the baby. Now this child needed constant care due to health problems, they couldn’t afford a nanny just yet and felt one of them had to quit their job to be a full time stay at home parent. They had neither considered that an option or even had a talk about it before but now they had to decide and decide as soon as they could.

As expected, Tom knowing the most logical option, quit his job and became a full time ‘dad’. A lot of friends and family frowned upon this decision despite knowing the state of the family’s finances and who best it was to make things better all because Tom was the man and was expected to be the provider and not the nurturer.’



‘ Men are not meant to be emotional’

‘ Women are meant to be nurturing’

‘ Girls should not walk in dark alleys’

‘ Boys will be boys’


These are a few things ‘society’ has told us to do. We may act according to how we are expected to act but how about the way we really want to act? Men not being able to talk about their greatest issues because it’s not masculine to be emotional. A woman decides she does not want  marriage, has a very good job and perhaps a dog and is leaving a very happy life but she still gets sympathisers assuming she’s leaving a sad life because she isn’t married.


In recent times, we’ve come to the realisation that ‘society’ is really the cause of our worries. But then, we may ask ourselves, who really is society and how did they come around making the rules? Well, as much as it might be a shocker, WE are society. The people who occupy the world, we make our rules by looking down at a young boy who cries when he’s hurt or frowning at a girl who is into cars more than she is cooking or dolls. We make the rules even when we don’t realise it.


Now of course the rules of society are not all bad, hell without society, the world might be messed up but in the end, shouldn’t we leave in the type of world where judgment is left for only the Supreme Beings we believe in?


That’s just my two cents on society though, what do you think?

First of 2017 (Guest Post)

It’s 2017!!!!! 

It’s amazing you know, I still remember 2007 and thinking how a big deal it was that I was going to be a teenager that year and now it’s already 10 years after. I’m on a very clear path to getting my shit together assuming nothing goes south, I have made amazing friends and have a wonderful family. Obviously I can only be thankful for all of these and I pray and hope I never mess this up. 

2017, I still plan on my at least one post a month which I was able to keep with last year though I fear this year, it might be much harder to keep up but I’ll try my very best. 

So to the gist of the post, it’s never to early to get deep, right? This could possibly be my best guest post yet, sorry Anitas. Someone I know who had an abortion sent this to me a while ago and I felt like it was only fair to share it. I obviously asked for her permission first and she really looks forward to your feedback be it good or bad. So without much ado:


‘The Promise

It would have been today or at least plus or minus a week from today but the application made it known that November 1st was the day. I even got a tattoo on the day, I mean I just randomly got it but now, I have a special meaning only I would know for it.

I would have held you in my arms with tears in my eyes, probably of happiness and sadness and intense fear of the unknown. I would have had to pick a name for you, probably one starting with a C because I’m a narcissist like that. Let’s just say it would have been an extremely emotional day but the thing is, I just couldn’t and I’d add even if I wanted to but that’s the thing, I didn’t want to, at least not even yet.

Having you would have meant having him in my life forever, don’t get me wrong,  I don’t hate him, I’d just rather I didn’t have anything tying us together. Having you would have meant having to be responsible and caring for another soul, I just wasn’t ready for that, hell I’m not even responsible enough for myself. 

Having you would have meant 9 months of pure unadulterated disappointment from my parents everyday assuming they let me live in their house even, I couldn’t bear that, I probably am already enough of a disappointment,  I couldn’t manage being an extra source of disdain. Having you would have meant I would probably had to rely on someone or some people for assistance, I promised myself I’d never have to do that after my parents. Having you would have meant messing up my timeline,  I mean it already is but at least I can blame myself and others for it and not someone I ‘made’.

I realise all my reasons are mainly regarding myself and that’s the thing, I’m selfish, I still am and I don’t know when I’d be able to stop being selfish but I knew I couldn’t bring someone who would live in a world with a selfish mother. I hope you’re still waiting on me, I promise, I only need about 10 years and I’ll be ready to bring you into a world where you’d be proud of the person you’d call mother and she’d be more than ready for you.’

Sigh, for some reasons reading this always gets to me, what do you think? 

I mean it’s not everyday we read from someone who had an abortion after said abortion. I obviously didn’t put her name to protect her privacy but I assure you, every comment will be seen by her and maybe, just maybe she’ll reply and even reveal herself. 

Cheer to 2017 🤘✌

5 lessons from 2016 with the Brownie herself!  

Hey guys,

So we are gradually coming to the end of another year, 2016. Literally 12days to go. I remember beginning of the year, I said this year had to fucking turn up for me. 2015 was very meh,  too many disappointments. 2016 however started with almost the same meh feeling but it quickly picked up. This year I learnt a lot, saw a lot of my personal boundaries pushed, hell this year probably brought out the worst in me, it showed me I truly had no limits when I wanted something. Now that could be seen as good or bad, but I’m going to go with good. 

This is a a collaboration so if you go to my friend, Annabel‘s page or her youtube channel, ‘Brownie Bits’, you will find her list of 5 things as well. 

Without much ado, I will plunge into what my 2016 thought me;

  • I truly go for what I want. You know how people say ‘keep trying until you can literally try no more’? Well I did just that, too many things had been coming up, stopping me from starting my masters and as they say, 3rd time’s the charm, well it was for me and what made it even better was that this time, I got the exact course I wanted and now I’m preparing to write my first semester exams.
  • In 2016, I think I learnt how to rely on myself a little too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family to death,almost literally even, lol. 2016 however helped me navigate through life alone without relying desperately on what anyone thought. I used to be so reliant on them, making absolutely no decision without at least one person agreeing with me.I did make stupid decisions though but at least I knew, this time,  I had no one but myself to blame.
  • This year, I pushed my limits. Now the way I did this wasn’t particularly the best way but it showed me I was willing to go past my imaginary line when I needed to.
  • This year, I learnt that fighting or writing about stuff you believe in isn’t always the  easiest thing to do but that doesn’t mean you give up. I mean the suffragette didn’t get female voting  rights by hoping luck or without being beaten.In the  same light, true equality amongst genders is something I’ve really gotten into and decided I am ready for anything as long as it means the goal will be achieved.
  • I learnt no matter how much you empathise with someone about something,  you’ll never truly understand what it is they’re going through until you experience it yourself. This ranges from being poor to being a member of the lgbt to being a woman or having an abortion. There are same many things in life, different people with different stuff happening to them and really and truly, except you happen to be one of the group, chances are, you will never really understand and you know what,  that’s perfectly fine.

    Obviously the most important thing, which I learn every year that goes by is the need to continue being my truest self no matter what the consequences might be because in the end, there can only be one you.
    Merry Christmas guys x

    11/09 

    Hey guys, 

    It’s interesting how hurt I am right now. Not only did Hilary lose the election, but Trump actually won it and oh, some idiots actually voted Harambe, a dead gorilla. 

    I am not American and neither have I schooled or visited the  nation but even I know how this is going to affect the world . I listened to a podcast not so long ago, ‘ Revisionist History by Malcom Gladwell’and a particular episode, ‘ The Lady Vanishes’. This episode basically talked about how just when we think everything is progressing on, people think progress is enough and then decide to move backwards.  Take a look at Australia, their only female prime minister was unseat by a man who was openly sexist towards her and women in general. This is exactly what happened with Hilary. We had a woman qualified and experienced and then she even went ahead to be the first female candidate representing a major party in America, of course the white males believed they had had enough. I mean they let a woman represent a party, why on earth should they have to actually elect her as president? and therein lies the problem.

    I took a look at the polls and it showed, the percentage of white males that voted for Trump was ridiculously high and worse still, the percentage of white women who voted for Trump was way too high. I mean this is someone who has no problem talking about kissing random beautiful women without their consent, has said a list of degrading things towards women and had – I say had because I presume the cases would be dropped cause ‘Mr President’ –  potential sexual assault cases against him. It hurts because for some reasons people still thought despite that he was a better candidate. I’m not saying Hilary was perfect, she did have her issues but then again, don’t we all? Someone said, ‘.. a little over 10years ago, she was against gay marriage’, well wouldn’t you rather someone who was for it now? Someone who has progressed?

    Its important that women who voted Trump need to know that they basically said they didn’t mind sexual harassment or being seen as lesser than the opposite sex  or being forced to carry a pregnancy which could probably result in a stillbirth and I believe even worse so, they didn’t mind their daughters or sons learning that being a bully was going to bring good tidings, amongst a host of other things.

    I hope and pray and almost believe he’s not going to do most of the things he used as vote baits for to get the uneducated and racists and sexist and bigots but then again, this has given those with hatred and bigotry in their dna a  reason to find out just how much they can get away with. 

    It’s clear America wasn’t ready for a female President or better still a very progressive one just after a black president. I do hope Hilary is doing well because I know if I were her, I would be so petty and I doubt I’d even call to congratulate him.

    To all the women who have ever lost a position to someone way beneath them in experience and knowledge, you are not alone and perhaps one day, all these would just be things that happened in the past. 

    Please leave your comments and share, and thank you for reading ✌

    W is for Woman

    ‘The darkest places in hell are reserved for people who maintain neutrality in times of moral crisis.’

                                        –  Dante Alighieri

    Hello guys, 

    I sometimes think mother nature has something against me. The other day I was witnessing the most beautiful sunset – yeah I know how that sounds – and then I thought it would be so cool if I got  a picture of it and as soon as I pulled out my phone to take said picture, my phone which was at least 20% just died 😑. I was so pissed off.  Oh well, back to the post.

    I think I  have a thing fot alphabets, lol.
    By now you would think I’d have stopped going on and on about feminism,rape and abortion but then I read the news and see things like a 14 year old being kidnapped, ‘converted’ and then married off to a man triple her age or once again reading about how somehow a girl is at fault for being raped or how women who get late abortions are the devil and it goes on and on. I’m tired of it all. 

    I’m not sure anyone needs to be told that people who aren’t legally allowed to drink, vote or drive should not be getting married,  I mean it’s supposed to be a given. I don’t care what religion it is, it’s just wrong, WRONG! Her reproductive organs are literally still in formation, more importantly she is not ready to be someone’s wife. At 14, she shold be concerned about her friends and academics and what movie she hates or how she wants to be a doctor or something and definitely not what her husband would want to do with her that day. I can’t even imagine it. 

    After reading loads of articles, I mean that literally, I have found that, no matter the restraints or limitations, a woman who wants an abortion will get one. Making abortion legal just makes its safer for women. The interesting thing is, she doesn’t have to have being raped, she could just have made a mistake or maybe the condom broke or the pill didn’t work, she shouldn’t have to be saddled with caring for someone who will rely entirely on her. It becomes worse when women are in genuine danger or the foetus will live approximately  less than a day in complete pain and then the women are made to carry it to full term. I mean, I feel if you don’t have a womb, you shouldn’t make these sort of decisions. It’s just as stupid as men coming up with ideas for sanitary pads or tampons, there’s no way you’d get it so just don’t bother.

    Women, the pepole who have been looked down on simply because of their gender, paid less in some countries, expected to be restricted to the kitchen in some cultures. It’s interesting people always fall back on culture though said culture is never constant. Feminism helps women to overcome. You might live in a world where you can vote, drive, marry whoever you want, work, not being forced to be a mother, attend school, the list goes on, you have to always remember the women who fought for these rights and then remember that there are others out there who need you and I to help them fight for theirs. Some people don’t want to identify with the word ‘feminist’ because of the supposed ‘volatile’ women, it’s like saying you don’t want to be Christian because of the KKK, in every organisation,  there would be people ho take the piss, ignoring then and moving on with the mission is the only way forward.

    I do hope one day, I would have no reason to write about this because people would know ‘NO’ means ‘NO’, ‘silence is NOT consent, ‘children are NOT brides’ and women deserve EQUAL rights. 

    What do you guys think or what other issues do you think women face simply because of their genitalia?

    Is it Thursday? Cause This is a throwback!

    I started a new phase of my life recently and I felt, hey, why don’t I visit the part of my life I spent probably the longest in… Secondary School, besides I did previously say I was going to write about my past anyways in my previous post.

    So I started at the school sometime in September, 26th, I think, it was and still is a Catholic school somewhere in a not particularly urban environment. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was a very chubby 10year old who had all the dreams and hopes a young child would have. My first dormitory wasn’t the best, my caretaker – the person supposed to help me adjust- wasn’t particularly the nicest and I was lazy as fuck, still am but then it was genuine laziness, I didn’t know how to do shit so I really needed someone with enough patience. Anyways, God heard my pleas and somehow I found myself in a different dormitory and that was when I like to say my secondary school experience started because I met the nicest senior who decided she was going to make sure my secondary school experience albeit just my first year, was one of the best I had.

    So I was basically said senior’s courier, she had a someone she exchanged contrabands with and I like to think I was part of that deal cause while I transferred said goods, I got paid in goods from both parties and even better, I got protection, I know, this is beginning to sound like a scene from a drug cartel movie or show, say breaking bad, lol. Anyways, that was how I avoided any major issue from seniors at least, the seniors I worked for were to big to be messed with and I guess their mates couldn’t be arsed to stress themselves. Anyway fastforward to jss3, I know I skipped a year, jss2 was really scraps and eventless, the only thing I remember from the class was the fact that myself and 2 of my best friends were punished by the principal to wash the entire school’s plates for about 4 days, go figure. 

    Jss3 was a different feel. I had seniors that liked me so much and then even more seniors that hated the fact that myself and my friends got quasi special treatment from the seniors that liked us. I, like any normal thinking person took advantage of this and became some sort of a dick for lack of a better term, I was rude, more like non chalant to be honest, I knew the seniors had my back so I felt I could do whatever I wanted. A meeting got called and the involved the headgirls/captains talking about the rude juniors and of course I was one of the representatives from my set. For some reasons I didn’t know I was rude then so imagine my shock, I actually cried that night even though come to think of it now, I should have let that be a stepping stone, lol. Anyways I got over that and continued taking advantage of the passes I got but I did that whilst trying to be as polite as I could. I guess I’m not one for public display of disdain. 

    Senior school, can I just say the remaining 3 years of my life in a school that was supposed to be the strictest and harshest with the worst rules ever became such a breeze! I got to hang out with the ss3s, I escaped almost all sorts of punishments, the ones I did serve were almost all done with little anger. It was just exquisite. The SS3s know themselves, I’d mention their names but I’d rather not have to miss any of the names and then face anyone’s disappointment.

    Apparently in my SS3, I was nice enough, too nice I think, to be honest I feel like it was more like I couldn’t be arsed to be mean, like punishing people takes time and I’d rather sleep than make sure the punishment is being served properly. This worked to my advantage anyways because my sister got in the year I left and her entire experience was fantastic! 

    This is not to say however that it was all rosy, I did have periods when I’d rather died than remained in the school, albeit short spans, but hey, that’s what you need friends for. I made a fantastic set of those in school, still very much in touch with a few and the rest, I’m sure they know I’ll always be there if they ever needed me. 

    I hope you guys enjoyed this very vague snippet of my time in secondary/high school, perhaps one day I’ll go into more details, you never know… Do subscribe and comment, let’s see how interesting yours was. 

    The Compulsory ‘G’ Word

    So you know how facebook started this memory thing, I’ve realised it’s really just there to enable us be thankful for growth and puberty

    Hello! 
    I know the month is basically over🙈, don’t be mad please. So I’m currently in a place where I should be otherwise happy I guess, things aren’t ridiculously great but they aren’t horribly shitty either but for some reasons I’ve been having very stupid mood swings. Perhaps I need to see a therapist or something.  Oh well, back to the gist of the month:).

    Growth surpasses the physical, I feel the mental growth is as important if not more important. 

    My friend sent a picture of a letter I sent to her while in secondary school and I wasn’t  sure what I was more embarrassed by, the useless form of shorthand and grammar or the actual logic behind the content of the letter. Interesting how that was only 7 years ago. 

    Less than four years ago, my friend was going through emotional abuse and I couldn’t see it because my idea of abuse involved physical violence and I didn’t want to believe that the guy I knew and was ‘friends’ with could cause my friend any harm. Less than three years ago, I was on the bench regarding  abortion because I thought it was an act that could be avoided by ‘good’ people. Less than 10 years ago I discussed marriage with my friends almost regularly because that was supposed to be my end goal. 3 years ago,  I would have cried myself to sleep if anyone said anything bad about me, I mean people are supposed to see the part of one that one cannot see.

    I could go on and on about all the stupid shit I did or thought when I was younger but this post would never end if I did. Growth is very essential in one’s life. I mean in the end, one of the only static things in life is change. We all evolve even our electronics do as well. I let go of all my backward thoughts. I realised that women were born to do more than be somebody’s wife or mother. I found out as well that abuse could be physical, emotional and financial even. Abortion is not something people do for fun, it’s something women do because they believe its the only choice they have, assuming they have access to a safe one. People talking about me currently has minimal if not zero effect on me now, I’ve realised that no matter how much I listen and change to meet their needs,  they’re always going to want more from me. 

    Just like we aren’t going to want to use a blackberry bold phone or an iPhone 2, we should also try to stop living in that version of ourselves and evolve with the times. I mean how hard can it really be? 

    This is a rather short post, I know. But don’t worry, I’ll be back next month with something much longer and definitely more interesting, it’s about my past life.
    Cheers ✌