The Compulsory ‘G’ Word

So you know how facebook started this memory thing, I’ve realised it’s really just there to enable us be thankful for growth and puberty

Hello! 
I know the month is basically over🙈, don’t be mad please. So I’m currently in a place where I should be otherwise happy I guess, things aren’t ridiculously great but they aren’t horribly shitty either but for some reasons I’ve been having very stupid mood swings. Perhaps I need to see a therapist or something.  Oh well, back to the gist of the month:).

Growth surpasses the physical, I feel the mental growth is as important if not more important. 

My friend sent a picture of a letter I sent to her while in secondary school and I wasn’t  sure what I was more embarrassed by, the useless form of shorthand and grammar or the actual logic behind the content of the letter. Interesting how that was only 7 years ago. 

Less than four years ago, my friend was going through emotional abuse and I couldn’t see it because my idea of abuse involved physical violence and I didn’t want to believe that the guy I knew and was ‘friends’ with could cause my friend any harm. Less than three years ago, I was on the bench regarding  abortion because I thought it was an act that could be avoided by ‘good’ people. Less than 10 years ago I discussed marriage with my friends almost regularly because that was supposed to be my end goal. 3 years ago,  I would have cried myself to sleep if anyone said anything bad about me, I mean people are supposed to see the part of one that one cannot see.

I could go on and on about all the stupid shit I did or thought when I was younger but this post would never end if I did. Growth is very essential in one’s life. I mean in the end, one of the only static things in life is change. We all evolve even our electronics do as well. I let go of all my backward thoughts. I realised that women were born to do more than be somebody’s wife or mother. I found out as well that abuse could be physical, emotional and financial even. Abortion is not something people do for fun, it’s something women do because they believe its the only choice they have, assuming they have access to a safe one. People talking about me currently has minimal if not zero effect on me now, I’ve realised that no matter how much I listen and change to meet their needs,  they’re always going to want more from me. 

Just like we aren’t going to want to use a blackberry bold phone or an iPhone 2, we should also try to stop living in that version of ourselves and evolve with the times. I mean how hard can it really be? 

This is a rather short post, I know. But don’t worry, I’ll be back next month with something much longer and definitely more interesting, it’s about my past life.
Cheers ✌

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Post from Guest 2 😁

Hey guys,

So I hope you guys have been as awesome as always. Today I have a guest blogger, one of my friends, Anita, funny how the previous guest blogger‘s name was also Anita. Anyways she has a very wonderful  food blog complete with recipes and such, you should totally check it out.

Her post however is not food related and I can relate to most of it considering I just turned 22 myself but don’t quite agree with a bit of it, then again we all have our opinions. People tend to say 22 is not particularly an important birthday but I say otherwise. 22 means you survived a full year as an adult. 

Do Enjoy!

                                                                 LEARNING 
I am a 22 year old, going to my final year of university, some might say it’s the right age, some might ask why I’m still an undergraduate whilst my mates are already on their masters’, PHD’s or working and starting businesses now that for a fact, but life happens and I’m happy life happened, because if it didn’t I wouldn’t know a lot of the things I know now like; 

God is so real, He is in everything we do, every tear we shed, the laughter, the joy, the peace, feelings of guilt and forgiveness, He’s the constant voice of reasoning in my head, holding strong regardless of my doubts and worries.

My parents especially my mum used to say I was ungrateful and selfish a lot, when she bought me things, or did things and I just said a short thank you, or thanks and walked away. I have learnt that I am not ungrateful or selfish, but just not the best at showing or hiding my emotions when I need to. Like the time I saw someone without make-up for the first time and screamed and ended up running away (literally) because it was so obvious the reason I screamed, my eyebrows couldn’t hide it . That I am not selfish,but love my company more than any other thing.

I’ve learnt to love myself, I’m a bit of a hairy girl if not for tweezers and hair removal creams, my eyebrows would look like an eagle with its wings spread out. Regardless of people’s complaints and failure to mind their business my long cat whiskers, bush like eyelashes are very beautiful, I love my face, I am happy with my skin and stretch marks that look like the map of africa and play with them when no one is looking.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have insecurities here and there, like my weight which people see to point out, whenever I haven’t seen them for a while, like my mirror isn’t bullying me enough. The worst part is that most of them have stomachs that have become a pile of folded clothes and their bodies struggling to pass through a normal sized door, then they seek to give me advice on ways to lose weight. Did I tell you that I was unhappy with my weight?

I have learnt that the world is happier when you’re unhappy about everything, and celebrates not being confident and timidity, because confidence has been mistaken for pride. Say what you want, but I rebuke mediocrity and self-pity for the rest of my life. I will not be a new tag, that “professionals” use as an excuse to make money, or pump in drugs and new research to cure me of myself.

I have also learnt that some people are always upset, very angry about every single thing, and that is not my business. I have learnt that no matter how much I speak, and try to change their hearts a hardened heart only gets harder till the person decides to let love in. In this “modern” day we live in, some of them have attached tags to their anger, tags I dare not mention for the sake of my sanity. They also want you to be angry with them, about things you honestly do not care about and are angry because you care not to care about these things.  You should respect people, regardless of if your views and lifestyle varies from theirs, we do not all have to see eye to eye on some certain issues,and that is okay.   

I have learnt to mind my business and shut up sometimes(I talk a lot), and that God is all you ever need, also stay close to your family and have a few friends (not a crowd) ,and that if you truly want to keep a secret, keep it in your head.

I have learnt that no human loves you as much as your mum. Well there are a few mums out there who are a bit crazy or weren’t meant to be mums but society forces it on the women that you are not accomplished till you find a man, and have kids. The wickedness in the name of discipline some parents give, has taught me that not everyone is supposed to be married. It is okay to not want to desire marriage.

I have learnt from my parents, that I should find a man who loves God more than any other thing, because a man who does, would truly understand the meaning of my submission, and that submission does not mean that I am a slave or there to do everything he says, without uttering a word of disapproval, or that I do not have a say in my own marriage. This has taught me not to settle for less, and it’s not that I am being picky, I am just being wise as I do not want to be part of the statistics of failed marriages.

I know I’m going to be great, one of the greatest radicals for good of my time. I have no idea how that would happen but I know that God has greater plans for me than I think for myself.

Most of all I am learning to love, to let go and let God.

 Regards,

@nitaarin  ‘

I promise to be back next month with something I’ve been working on but haven’t quite gotten around to completing it and of course an update on my life x.
Cheer ✌🏾

Things I’m terribly displeased with

First of all, I’m a very pleasant person for the most part and even when I’m displeased, you’d rarely know it. So I’ll just outline a few things that make me literally,  yes I mean literally, want to scream!

¤ The fact that in 2016, people still ask a rape victim what she was wearing, actually scratch that, the fact that people still rape. I mean you can legit pay for sex if you really can’t find anyone to sleep with you. You don’t have to force yourself on someone.

¤ The fact that people still don’t believe guys can go through domestic abuse or be raped.

¤ The fact that it’s not yet realised that feminism actually works for everyone. If females are given equal chances and opportunities without having ‘society’ make comments on their every actions, perhaps the burden to be the ‘man’ would be reduced drastically.

¤ Gender roles, I do not get them. I really don’t, like it’s cool if you’re fine with them, what I don’t however like is you forcing it on others and even going ahead to belittle those who don’t assign to that line of thought. Like who made them even?

¤ That people are still concerned with what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their rooms or anywhere for that matter even.

¤ The fact that people still don’t get that it’s very okay for the man in a relationship to be more nurturing than the woman. Not everyone is the same, deal with it and better still, mind your business.

¤ The fact girls are still taught what to do to avoid getting raped and no one or maybe very few people are concerned with enlightening boys that they aren’t remotely entitled to any human no matter how drunk or naked the other person is.

¤ I totally don’t get terrorism, like you hurt your own, your harm other, so like what’s your plan?

¤ The fact that despite how much I try, I still sometimes care what people think.

Of course most of my displeasure would stem from women being belittled in different cases because well, I am a woman. I’d rather leave in a world where I don’t have to be told how to avoid getting raped. Or a world where I’m expected to be a certain way, everyone is different, everyone is evolving and I feel it’s high time we evolve as well. It’s 2016, 16 years into a new millenium, it’s about time we stopped thinking like we still live in the 1900s, I mean we’ve moved with technology so how hard can it be to get our minds to wrap around certain things?

This is obviously just me, what things irk you guys?

Leave a comment or something, perhaps we’ll discuss it. I’ll leave a few pictures to get you guys thinking.

Cheers✌

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The First Reloaded

Hello guys!

Surely you didn’t think this month would go on without me at least putting something out now, did you?

The following conversation ensued between my aunt and Tobore age 3;

‘Tobore: aunty H
Aunty H: Tobore what do you want?
Tobore: *looking with great concern* ashawo no be work o  ‘

That was a very random snippet of my childhood and I still don’t know why I wasn’t beaten, in all honesty, I obviously can’t remember that particular event but I do know I was a naughty child, probably why I’m way calmer now.

Oh well, back to the article.  It’s been a little over 2 years since the post that brought the proverbial limelight to my blog was published and I decided to put the same post up only very much better edited, thanks to my wonderful friend, Obinna.


I had my whole life ahead of me, I had to…

It was the first day of university, quite cold if I can remember. I had recently left Nigeria and was starting my journey to a career in Economics. I arrived very expectant having heard all the stories of ‘October rush’. I figured it only happened in Nigeria but boy was I wrong. A shy person at heart, never keen of socializing, I got my things arranged in my room and stayed in.

In five days I had accomplished more than I thought I would in such a short period. I had adapted to the school’s system, made new friends, and was even on my way to the first official meeting of the only society I had joined. Rushing to get to the event so I wouldn’t be late, I had no idea someone else was trying to leave the meeting room. We bumped into each other, as cliché as it would seem. I looked up, extremely apologetic, and was struck by a face so captivating that for a moment I stared listless. He had on a seductive smirk over a rectangular chin, deepest eyes caved by full lashes, and a temple that dips ever so slightly. Not wanting to seem weird and considering I was already late, I said my apologies and hurried into the room.

The following week, I had put him at the back of my mind and was on the bus when someone sat beside me. I didn’t look up because well, I was very involved in a game. I felt the person nudge me and when I answered with a scowl on my face, I was shocked to see him. He smiled and I blushed. That was both the most awkward and the best bus ride. He asked for my number and of course I gave it to him; this was in October.

He called that evening to find out if I was up for a drink. We met an hour after and before long started spending most of our free time together. I really liked him, he wasn’t your ideal stud but I liked what I saw regardless. During the time we spent together, we did stuff, a whole lot of stuff, stuff I cannot think of writing down. It felt right. Roughly after four months, we still weren’t official but I was his and he was mine. I finally said yes and we had sex. It hurt a lot, but I enjoyed it. We did a lot of cliché things, and since sex was on the table, I believed everything was perfect for both of us.

We were safe, or at least I thought so.

Five weeks strong, I was going through my phone and realised the date. I felt like my worst dream was becoming reality. I told my friends and they said I was just stressed. I believed them, I mean, I was just 18yrs, I couldn’t be pregnant! A week later and still nothing, I went to the pharmacy and got a stick without any of my friends knowing. I waited till the next morning before I used it. The result confirmed my worst fear. I was scared to death and all alone.

In the state that I was in, I quickly searched Google for the farthest hospital from my flat and scheduled the earliest possible appointment. I did not want to think about anything, I was just in my first year, I had extremely strict parents, and I was too young to raise and care for another life. There was no way I was going to keep him or her.

April 12th, a date I would never forget.

It was warm that morning, everywhere was empty, and we had just gone on the Easter break. I got to the hospital with just a minute to spare, I did not want to be counseled or have the opportunity to change my mind. That was the worst day of my life. Thankfully, it was successful. I hated myself so much. I was angry with everyone. No one knew what had happened. I eventually told him, he was furious that I had not told him earlier. I was angry with him for not being careful enough. I stopped answering his calls and opening the door when he came over. Nothing was ever the same, he stopped trying and well, I couldn’t be bothered. I wasn’t willing to do anything fun. I was scared, disappointed in myself, and there was still so much hate dwelling within me. There was no way I could allow myself the slightest pleasure.

I still hate myself, I am still extremely scared, there is no way I will ever be happy with what I did but I had to. It had to be done.

It hurts because in the end I killed the one person who would have loved me unconditionally.’

I do have a post for next month all written up already so don’t worry, my ‘one post a month resolution’ isn’t going down anytime soon.

Cheers ✌

Grey Areas and Blurred Lines

▪The world is full of grey areas and we need to make sure that though certain lines are blurred, we don’t find ourselves on the wrong side of the lines ▪

Hey!!!

I have finally gotten my NYSC discharge certificate, God punish the devil, lol. I can now move on with whatever comes next, I’m still trying to decide that though. In the past 4 months of this year, a whole lot has happened but hush now, I will spill at a later date.

Today’s post came to me, yes I know how that sounds, when I was watching a tv show, ‘American Crime ‘, a boy had been raped, bullied and subsequently beaten. He went to the school where all this happened with a gun, really unsure of his plans and whilst there, one of the students who beat him started to taunt him, he had a gun in his hands, he had no idea what to do and next thing he knew, said student was lying in front of him, bleeding.

Blurred lines and Grey Areas, there’s a lot of this going on in the world today and that’s simply because in real life, there really is no black and white. This young man was raped, told his mum about it, his school didn’t even believe him, I mean, he’s a guy, how could he be raped, more so by a guy who he had certain sexual conversations with. So he took matters into his own hands and was out to take revenge, the police wasn’t quite doing shit, that student simply happened to be collateral damage. Do I agree a child could have been killed? Nope! But do I blame the boy for killing the student? Nope! He was ambushed, didn’t quite have a choice, in the eyes of the law, he’s a murderer but in mine, he’s someone who was simply trying to survive. And in my opinion, that’s such a grey area.

Blurred lines, I went for a talk once regarding rape and domestic abuse, at this talk, it was brought to my attention that making someone sleep with you because you have something desperate they need is pretty much rape. So an ‘uncle’ making his ward have sex with him cause he’s financing her education is actually raping her. Then there’s the situation where the girl doesn’t quite give consent but don’t quite say no either, she’s just somewhere inbetween, like when the guy keeps talking and trying to persuade her and she eventually gives in, not cause she wants to but just cause so everything can stop,  you wouldn’t call that rape but hell it’s a blurred line!

Oh and then there was this video I watched, a woman killed her children, all of them, due to postpartum depression and physchosis, she was hospitalised and people started going on about how she should have been sentenced to death. The woman is currently better and is on suicide watch because she now realised what she did. I have little knowledge regarding mental health but I’ve had a glimpse of what depression seems like so I can only imagine what was going on in her head especially coupled with the physchosis.  This is such a grey area if anything.

For the most part, the world is dependent on situational grounds for various crimes and happenings, things that would otherwise be white and black are so grey, the first story got to me so much because in the entire world, I could forgive almost anything but rape and the fact he wasn’t believed simply because it seemed impossible hurt me. We need to make sure that though certain lines are blurred, we don’t find ourselves on the wrong side of the lines but that’s just what I think.

You should share what other areas you think are grey or perhaps more blurred lines.

Oh, by birthday is this Sunday:)😆 by the way.

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Gender and Equal Opportunities Bill #GEOBill

▪ The interpretation of the Bible or Quran by a group of backward men is going to hinder the progress of Nigeria. COUNTRY not Religious house▪

I really wasn’t going to say anything but what’s the point having  a blog if I can’t say what I think when perhaps, it matters the most?

I was angry when I heard yesterday that the bill didn’t pass, I mean it’s basically  a ‘Gender Equality and Opportunity Bill’, nothing regarding superiority or whatever, but I didn’t say much as I had not read the bill yet. You know how I hate talking about things I don’t know much about. Anyways, fast forward to today and I found a link and read the entire draft/bill and except what I read was fake or not correct or false, which I’m pretty sure it’s neither, I’m extremely pissed it did not pass.

In the bill, there were the basic equal rights, nothing too extreme. Amongst the ones that pissed me off were ( I’m going to use my words);

A section stating women shouldn’t be abused, physically or sexually : really, that was basically what this section was. Do not abuse women, do not abuse older women, do not abuse young women, do not beat abuse disabled women. The fact that this has to be stated first is a problem and then the fact that it was in a bill that didn’t pass, is a bigger problem. Some people say, what if he’s angry and to that I say, if a bigger strong mam annoyed him, best believe he wouldn’t attempt to hit them.

A section stating women should be allowed custody of  children and inheritance; basically in the event of a divorce, the women should be allowed to have custody of the children or shared at least. Also if the husband or father dies, a female should be allowed to inherit her father or husband’s property. I mean it should be a given, but sadly even with a will, sometimes this is not the case. The husband’s family claims both the children and property of the late husband.

A section stating women should be given equal opportunities to loans/grants,etc: pretty much stated, of course they should. If they have a better way of doing something, why should they be deprived the opportunity to proceed with it?

A section stating the legal age for marriage should be 18, etc: as simple as it state, if someone isn’t old or wise or adult enough to vote or drink then why on earth should she be considered all of the above to get married? I feel like marriage is way more tasking and stressful then why should she do so?

There are a whole lot of similar things that really bother me about the simplicity of the bill and the fact it did not get passed. I really might have let it slide except some idiot saying, ‘if the bill passes, women will take advantage of it’, I’m really not sure what that even means. The whole point of the bill is to get equal rights and opportunities. I can hear people saying ‘ but the Bible, but the Quran says…’, this is a COUNTRY and not a religious hold. The same people talking about the Holy books always fail to cite said books when it comes to their own crimes. The same books,  well the Bible, talks about having slaves being okay, given old testament but still, we don’t do that anymore, we have analysed the verses -as in many other passages- in our own way and decided that’s not what it meant, and that’s exactly the problem. We all have our different definitions and ruling a country based on one person’s definition or rather the definition some very backward men have will not let it progress.

Perhaps if women are given equal opportunities they wouldn’t have to be too bothered about inheritance as they would have their own properties or income, ever think of that?

Below are the sections that bothered me the most.

The full bill can be found here : http://www.africanliberty.org/download-the-gender-and-equal-opportunity-bill-nigerian-senators-voted-against/

I do hope one day Nigerians can get past all their nonsense and realise that really, besides some hormones and our genitalia,  men and women are really equal.

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The Lectiophile’s Diary

▪Everyone could be a victim in the hands of the right abuser▪

Hey!

So last year, I set a challenge for myself to read 25 books and well I was able to meet it and even surpass it. This year, for some reasons I felt I might not be able to read that much so I reduced it to 10 books but after the first month and I’d already read about 5 books, I knew it wouldn’t make sense not to increase it to 25. 

In celebration of the World book day, I thought to myself, I’ve been reading loads of books lately, why not do a review! The last one was good, enough people liked it. Below are the books I’ve read this year;

The good father – Diane Chamberlain
The Appeal – John Grisham
The virgin suicides – Jeffrey Eugenides
Daddy – Emmanuel Obi
The fishermen – Chigozie Obioma*
The confession – John Grisham
A little life – Hanya Yanagihara
The secret life of Ceecee Wilkes – Diane Chamberlain
To kill a mocking bird – Harper Lee

I’ll review about half.

So here goes it:

The confession by John Grisham

So I was late to the Grisham fandom but after reading ‘A time to kill’, my appeal increased. This book made me have serious doubts regarding capital punishment. I mean I know there are bad people that need to be killed but are we sure they committed the crimes? I actually cried while reading this book and I dare anyone to read this without having mixed feelings about the capital punishment.

To kill a mocking bird  by Harper Lee

I’d heard about this cause it was read by most literature students but I never read it while in secondary school. I was looking for a new book to read and downloaded it cause why not. This book based in the old days when racism was as clear as the sky was blue on a good day about a white lawyer who represented a black guy against another white guy. Imagine how that would have been? It told the tale of how the children on the white lawyer coped with the new ‘hatred’ for their father. It also showed a hint of feminism, with the daughter of the lawyer not quite sticking to societal norms expected of her. I quite enjoyed it.

A little life – Hanya Yanagihara

Never in my life have I read a book as depressing as this one. It was written so wonderfully it was actually shortlisted for the manbooker award, sort of like the Grammys for writing. The book follows the lives of 4 friends but is a bit more focused on one of them. Kind of like a very depressing ‘Girls’ but with boys and a whole lot sadder, yes I know I wrote depressing already. It was however worth every tear I cried. It explores male rape/abuse in a way you’ve never seen and allows you to understand everyone can be a victim in the hands of the right abuser.

The secret life of Ceecee Wilkes by Diane Chamberlain

I discovered Diane sometime last year and boy was I pleased when I did. This book is one of the books where you have to question your perhaps judgement or morality. A young girl who’s basically alone falls in love and is deceived by said lover to do something illegal. In the end it all comes full circle because really, the truth no matter how hard we try, always comes out. She has to deal with that. It was a good read. I particularly like Diane Chamberlain because her books always question your morals and make you wonder, ‘what really would I do?’.

The Fishermen by Chigozie Obioma

Besides Chimamanda, I don’t think I’ve really enjoyed any other African writer’s work, perhaps it’s just because I haven’t read a lot of African writers and I’m open to suggestions. Anyway, this book was one of the books in the shortlist of the macbooker award for 2015, I think. It was based in Nigeria and despite the fact that it’s called ‘the fishermen’, the plot doesn’t have much to do actual fishing, lol. It’s about the growth of 5 brothers without their father physically in the picture and how superstitions led to perhaps their downfall. I particularly liked how realistically it was written. I would definitely recommend it. 

I’m currently reading ‘ Middlesex’ by Jeffrey Eugenides, I’ve heard positive things and I hope it’s so much better. The last book I read by him, ‘the virgin suicides’, I genuinely didn’t know how I felt about it thus my not reviewing it but you could give it a try and maybe tell me what really its a about.

Thanks for reading again and possibly sharing and commenting. My at least one post a month policy seems to be working out, so I look forward to you reading more of my pieces ✌.

* I actually read that last year🙈

Guest Blog Post!!!

Hey y’all,

I have decided that I’m going to stop being an optimist and be a realist cause I believe it’s high time I stop believing in fairies and shit like that. The world is messed up and being positive about stuff is just going to disappoint you. This is starting to seem a bit more pessimistic than I thought, lol. Oh well, we have our first guest blogger today!!! She’s a very awesome person,  her head is going to swell cause of this. I’ve bugged her So many times to write something and she finally acknowledged me. So please read and hear from my Ugandan sister.

‘So today is a special day cause I finally get to fulfil a promise I made to Tobore…write something for her blog*sheds tears of joy*
So Valentine’s Day “happened”, it was an ordinary day for me, but I would like to waste a few characters by sending a special shout out to all y’all that had something real going on. I got to drink two bottles of fine wine with one of my good friends, Tricia, while catching up on ‘life’ & later on that night I got to also cuddle with my pillow. Same drill as last year and the year before bla bla bla…. Education always stands in the way of luxuries like Valentine’s Day. Though this year I can’t put the blame on school, although I wish I could. Last year, I was buried deep in books working on my thesis.  I remember my boyfriend texting me over and over again to leave my work station & head to my room because it was getting super late and I had to rest. Little did I know that he had a special something waiting for me in my room #memories but that’s now old news.

What makes this year’s “special” is the fact that I am back in my mother land Uganda, I am single, unemployed and trying to somehow figure out my life one day at a time; my sister would classify those as third world problems. I also have to mention that I last spent this day in Uganda was in 2011 and trust me it equally sucked. I honestly do not believe that one day should be set aside to celebrate love -_- Either it’s just me or I do not understand the whole concept behind Valentines Day. But I know there is a Saint that is celebrated in the Catholic Church St Valentine. That’s about it.
Meanwhile this post is not about Valentine’s Day. It’s just a bit about me & my life and anything interesting around me; that sort of thing. I might throw you from one end to another, switching subjects, but that’s sort of tells you something about me…I talk too much and about anything.

Allow me to “see my life” or rather open up about a few things on my mind…
It’s coming to two years now where I have had this special bond with my Bible, yes the BIBLE! That is me reading at least three chapters everyday and meditating on the word.  The book of Daniel by the way is my favourite whereas Revelations just scares me.  I wouldn’t call myself the perfect Christian but I do believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and that he died to save us from our sins. I do believe in prayer and the power in prayer cause I have seen God working in so many ways in my life plus that of my loved ones. And I cannot take this for granted cause it has been one of the best experiences in my life.  This book has a verse for more or less every situation one faces in life. See like when I feel like the walls around me are just closing in so fast and I think of giving up, I think of Job.  This is a man in the bible who had it all, to be honest, but lost it all. Through this time, he didn’t lose his faith and trust in God. He hung in there believing that God would make a way and his reward was more than what he had before & even better.

I learned to LOVE in 2013 *giggles*. Love by the way is a big deal. Not everyone has the ability to do this thing called LOVE. I can say I know a few of my friends that do admit that they don’t see themselves being in this position of “catching feelings”. But to love and be loved is something so beautiful. It instilled some values in me for instance patience, understanding, compromise, selflessness… It awoke my vanity, my self-awareness and pride in what I have and whom I have to mention but a few. Despite the fact that I am painting it as a good thing, I also recently got to fear the whole concept. And I see it to some extent as one of the worst things that can ever happen to someone. So note to myself “tame your feelings; guard your heart”.

I occasionally do miss being at school. I do miss having to wake up and attend lectures; I do miss having assignments to work on, books to read and exams to sit. Call me weird but I do miss all that. It is from my university experience that I got to appreciate people and culture. I must also chip in that it’s from uni that I got to meet the lovely lady that has given me the opportunity to scribble my ‘wahala’ on her blog. You may think that it’s only in a school setting that one gets to learn, but that’s not the case. Education is a continuous type of thing. You can learn anything from anywhere and from anybody. Even a baby can teach you a thing or two. My mother always says things like “you don’t have to go to school to learn how to be courteous” plus there are so many other things that she adds on; I do hope you catch my drift.  I try to learn something new every day as well as self-assess my progress. My latest project is to learn Deutsch. I get to learn at least 15 words in one day and trust me it’s so much fun. I thank God for the geeks that come up with these DIY apps. They have saved me some good money I would have spent to pay for a tutor as well as outfits that I would have worn to attend those classes. My bed is my classroom. Even in Pjs I sometimes feel I am over dressed LOL!  I am 13 days into this new venture & according to the app, which by the way I got off the Playstore at an unbeatable price of $0.00, I am 10% fluent. It also goes ahead to suggest that I post that serious progress on to my LinkedIn profile L.O.L. that can wait though. Once I get to 60%, trust me the next blog will be in Deutsch.

The other day my mother wanted me to escort her to one of her favourite stores. But I turned her down. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to go to the store, I was itching to go there; I love that store and I never leave empty handed. But it’s because I am learning to do this thing called SAVE, every single shilling does count nowadays. I am basically learning to manage my finances with extra caution and in the best way that I possibly can. Self- control is the first thing that always crosses my mind when it comes to this sensitive issue. I earned my first million shillings when I was 22 years. That was in 2014. First thing I obviously did was tithe, remember God loves a cheerful giver and boy was I over the moon. I also had to pamper my bestfriend O.C.W and my parents and my siblings and I kind of forgot about myself.

I mentioned earlier on that I am currently unemployed. I must say it’s not by choice.  It does suck because I have to live and depend on a tight budget and at the same time depend on my parents till when I get a steady source of income.  This time of “being broke” has shown me how aside from my parents, I am the only other person that has been “spoiling myself” with anything fancy. I am a sucker for watches and perfumes and shoes and jigsaw puzzles and spoiling those that are dear to my heart [that’s a sneak peak of where my finances go]. If it wasn’t given to me by my parents or siblings, it was given to me by me. Up until June 2016, I am sorted when it comes to my must haves. But with a new mindset, I am opting not to eat out. This will only happen if I cannot make the dish in my own kitchen so that is saving me some good money. I am seriously priotizing my movements. If it’s not urgent, it can honestly wait.  I have learned to say NO to random shopping sprees (unless if the person is sponsoring me which is on rare occasions). Basically I am living within my means and I guess I am OK for now.

I do not know what else to write about so I shall stop here. Writing is hard work. I shall not push Tobore to post frequently anymore. This was supposed to be up by Friday (12th February) but WOW look at the date today ( it’s 16th February in Uganda). ‘

… and I did not get around to editing and posting till today. Hope you enjoyed it. I’m actually one of the people who don’t get the whole love thing. As I once said, ‘this love thing is a very long thing’.

I’ll be back in March ✌

My 2015 in a Post

Hey!

Happy New Year!!!

So this is another year, 2016, an even year, divisible by my lucky number 4, with an extra day so hell it has to be perfect for me.

2015 was a year, a year filled with more downs than there were ups. 2015 helped me grow as bad as it was, it made me realise I was one who was open to adventures, one who kept to my views regardless the pressure to change, one who could make decisions in the most dire of situations, one who was a whole lot stronger than thought, one who pain couldn’t hold back, one who tried again even after failure and one very open to self discovery.

2015 made me realise I had certain friends who had my back despite the situation and thus friends I could possibly call should I need a partner to hide a body. 2015 disappointed the *insert curse word* out of me in so many ways, on one instance, I had a plan for my nysc year which failed miserably, on that note, I still haven’t even gotten my certificate, awks, I know. On another instance, I did this online program for a full month, I was so dedicated to it, working on weekends even, at the end I wrote a quiz and was literally 1.5% off the expected limit and thus didn’t get the certificate for the program. In 2015, I was so depressed at different points in the year, mostly the beginning quarter and last quarter. I am typically the type of person who can’t be arsed about so many things so the fact that I was really sad at various parts of the year said a lot. 2015 was also the year I had to make a very important decision that I didn’t think I’d have to, it was made and caused so much pain. 2015 was also the year I thankfully skipped a major spinal injury, given the minor one was bad enough, I had to take major drugs and undergo physiotherapy which i didnt even finish so imagine how bad the major one would have been. Anyways I am past that now, for the most part though.

On the flip side, 2015 was the year I dived deep into self discovery. I had previously attempted to know myself better but this year I was braver cause hell, if not now then when?! I felt more at ease with myself, I left my comfort zone and talked to ‘strangers’ and even became friends with some. I became someone who went for what she wanted and wasn’t ashamed to admit defeat when things didn’t work out. 2015, I met with someone I had a massive crush on, given I was probably awkward when we met but it was a splendid meet for me and a highlight for my year. In 2015, I learnt to try again, an instance was taking part in yet another online program and though being very close to quitting due to the stress, carrying on and successfully getting the certificate. I learnt various things about myself in 2015 and was able to even help others, I started volunteering in 2015 albeit late but it was one of the best decisions of my life. In 2015, I kept to my word, an instance was finally fulfilling one of my new year resolutions, finishing 25 books.

I found pure solace in music in 2015, through both sad and happy times, my music was always there to help me through, I always found a song to be the soundtrack.

I entered 2016 filled with hope and aspirations of what is to come. I know 2016 will be a great year almost for a fact, and I look forward to sharing my year with you beautiful readers of mine.

Here’s to an awesome 2016!!! 🙏💃💃💃

Dear Nigeria…

Hey,

It’s been a while, I know and I apologise. I’ve had what is known as ‘bloggers’ block’, yup, I just called myself a blogger 😎. A little information on what has been up, I’ve finished NYSC, thank goodness! However I haven’t gotten my certificate yet because well,  they’ve decided to take the piss. I do hope I get it soon though. There was a bit of a hitch so I will now be starting my master in February at Surrey, I hope I didn’t just jinx it though. Right now, I’m doing an online program to keep busy and on weekends I volunteer, started last weekend and it’s really cool.

So to back to the topic….

Hello Nigeria,

How are you doing? You’re what now? 50 something? That’s awesome. We’ve managed to survive over 50 years on our own, mostly of course. I wonder how that managed to happen, I mean with over 200 tribes, that had to have been a hassle. Well thankfully we’ve come this far.

Right now, everything is really shit. I mean we have a lot of negative going on. The economy is scraps and most importantly, we have bombings almost every other weeks. Like people actually die and honestly I know work is being done to try to stop this but can there being a guaranteed action to ensure the safety of its citizens.

I have a few questions to ask though and I really hope one day, we get actual answers to these questions;

When is our currency going to get back to how it was in the early 90s perhaps?

So there’s this book in my house and on the back the price is on it and I kid you not, the naira was about N1 and the pounds and dollars were about £1.76 and $2.97 espectively.

Why do we keep bringing up religion when it best suits us or rather, why do we like to carry Religion on our heads?

We keep forgetting Nigeria is a country and not a mosque or church or shrine. We can keep mixing illegality and morality. For everything we don’t agree with, we just conclude it’s in the bible and we even go further by quoting a bible passage that’s entirely out of context and conclude that’s what it mean. We talk about feminism and sexuality and we see people quoting passages, how about theft that’s actually in the 10 commandments, why don’t we talk about the bible here? Or say adultery,  it is a sin but we don’t see any laws against it.

When are we going to stop importing refined crude oil?

We are among the top 10 leading producers of crude oil in the world. Isn’t it about time we repaired our refineries? I know there were some talks about the existing ones being revamped earlier this year or late last year but right now, I haven’t heard anything, except of course I haven’t looked in the right place.

When are we going to realise we have other produce to export?

In one of my previous posts, I talked about how we have so many more products to export besides oil. How about we start going about that process, I mean it will at least give us a bit more money to work with even if it’s not as much as the oil would give us.

Are we ever going to be really safe?

From the time I was born till now, there has always been one or the other group of people terrorising the country or trying to incite fear and violence. I can recall OPC, the militants, book haram, amongst others. I know it can’t be easy but I reckon it can’t be impossible to eliminate all of these group entirely, I don’t mean kill by the way, even though I wouldn’t mind all the boko haram members killed to be honest, but I mean a way to break the groups, get them to stop.

When are we going to realise that difference is good?

We are basically all unique. We aren’t all tall or book smart or street smart either. We all won’t graduate from universities as Doctors or engineers or even graduate at all. We all won’t want to marry or perhaps even marry members of the opposite sex. Women won’t always want to have children or be ego massagers? We have to understand these and know that it’s okay to be different.

I know a lot is being done to make our once great nation even greater and I really hope in the end we are successful cause in the end, no matter where we relocate to, we are always going to be Nigerians.

Yours faithfully,
Tobore M.

I know I’ve asked all of this questions without providing any answers but that’s cause I really don’t have any, at least any feasible one. I do hope however that by the time we turn 60, we would have our shit together or at least have made good progress into getting it together.
I look forward to responses with perhaps answers to my questions.